Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Black (Twitter?) Community

A person can imagine my surprise in finding that there is an awfully large African American community on Twitter. Not just a community, but a hilarious stereotypical one, especially considering how very 'white' of a concept Twitter is.

Not white meaning for or by white people necessarily, but white in the negative way a colored person might call something lame that's traditionally done by us honkies.

 For example, when a brotha sees a cracker wearing khaki pants and driving a Segway into a golf course parking lot, he might casually lean over to his homies and say, "hey, check out this WHITE ass mutha fucka!"

Anyways, to my point. I feel like the things I read, whilst following people of ghetto sensibilities, are exactly what I would hear if I were to hang around the projects in any large city.

Which makes sense considering these people are from the same social demographic.

What surprises me though, is how that 'culture' shifted from the streets to the Twitter. I'm reading stuff about baby mommas, barbecues, watermelon, and I kid you not, friend chicken. But that's not all. It's all communicated in some strange, internet, abbreviated form of 'Ebonics' which by the way, is now an official English dialect according to the Atlanta, Georgia PD. How fun is that fact? You like it.

I'm sitting there for upwards of 15 minutes trying my damnedest to translate this bastard spawn of the drunken night Ebonics spent with the internet, for each and every tweet, and let me tell you, those people tweet A LOT.

Oh God I just said 'those people' didn't I?

I'm so getting shanked for this.


My reactions upon realizing what they've said happen as follows:

"Oooooooh he's...OH GOD HE'S GOT A GUN!?!?"

"So what he means is...he wants, that can't be it...that's not...OMG dear Lord get the man some waffle fries!!!"

"So that bitch is angry with those other bitches because they know the bitch that's been all up on her broke ass baby daddy?"

I hold myself not liable for the things said, I'm merely paraphrasing what I've heard and seen.

Now, I'm not "from the block" or anything, but can you still be gangsta and ballin' if you have a Twitter account? How does that work? I'm not personally saying I would consider them any less for it, but I feel like they homies might.

Really though, wtf are these self proclaimed OGs doing on something like Twitter? You don't see me hanging around fight clubs, because I'm not a badass. So why are they hanging around Twitter, when they clearly aren't nerds? 

If you're tweeting about busting a cap in some playa's ass because he ain't got your shit, well, maybe you shouldn't be tweeting, you should be busting a cap in his ass.

Get your priorities straight.