Close Enough!

As my last post may or may not have very specifically mentioned, I intended on relocating to Seattle, WA.

I, of course, picked Seattle for its proximity to actual things actually happening and its location on the West Coast.

That being said...I moved to Eugene, Oregon.

Which, to be honest, I find is considerably nicer that any of the places in or around Seattle that I could afford, plus it's got a hell of a lot of character for a place loaded with hippies and liberals.

I look forward to an entire winter of no snow and hopefully finding a job. Someday.

Hopes and Dreams

As you might or might not know, early 2012 I moved to Minnesota from Bozeman, MT in an attempt to wrestle control of my life and do my own G thang.

It's been great so far, as I've previously stated, but it's getting about time to mosey on the hell out. My next move is Seattle.

Random I know, but I got to talking with a friend of mine from Montana and he is in a similar boat. Uninspired and not completely convinced that he should go into debt just to get a stuffy career that he can work until he is dead.

We agreed that it would be awesome to just do cool shit that you love, and make a job of that. But who doesn't want that? What a pipe dream, am I right???

Well screw you, I'm going to try anyways, you pessimistic ass. I'll chase these hopes and dreams all I want.

That being the case, we decided it might be neat to relocate and actually do/attempt some of the shit we talk about. We decided Seattle might be the place, so here I am, planning on doing just that.

Anyways, extended rant aside. I'm super poor, and moving isn't cheap. That being said, I've decided to shamelessly beg the internet for money, what can it hurt? Just hear me out here, don't leave.

Click it! http://www.gofundme.com/Seattlebound

Thanks in advanced, you charitable people you.

2012

I don't read blogs enough to know whether or not it's cliche to post a post New Year post.

But I feel like it probably is, though I've committed at this point and thusly will continue forward.

I suppose 2012 was just fine.

I started the last year by up and moving from Bozeman, MT to New Ulm, MN. It was pretty sudden, completely random, and I don't regret a damn thing.

I lived with my sister and job hunted for a couple months. Being a bum was pretty neat. I guess. 

I ended up going to England and Ireland for spring break. That was considerably more neat than being a bum. Drank, traveled, met oversea bros, even urinated on a castle. It was great.

I finally got a job, another, and another, and worked three jobs until I was dead inside, that wasn't neat even a little. I worked and maybe sometimes slept, it was really just peachy.

I eventually quit two of the three jobs. That, as they say, was that.

I bounced on over to the ol' internet and became ordained under the "Universal Life Church" so I could marry a couple friends of mine. That was definitely badass. I got up in front of people, of real people, and married a couple. People are bound in legal matrimony because of me. ME. That's right, be impressed and concerned.

I drank and partied like a boss at the reception too. To the surprise of most of the wedding guests who didn't realize I'm just some guy who got ordained and am not really anywhere close to being a holy man.

I basically spent the last leg of 2012 working at Radioshack and selling shit like a complete man. A manly man.

p.s. I can almost grow enough facial hair that I almost have to shave every day before work. Almost.

We got this far, and even made those damned Mayans look like idiots. It's the future bitches. 2013.

Daniel Arndt: Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality

A friend of mine is getting married in August.

So I decided, why the fuck not, and got ordained online so I can marry them myself.

That's right, I'm officially qualified to perform weddings, baptisms, ceremonies, funerals, and other such rituals.

I'm running a special on Baptisms next week. Who wants one?

Thinking of getting an outfit and having shenanigans whilst wearing it.

The Customer is Always Right

Bullshit. I'm calling bullshit on that. If you've ever worked customer service I'm sure you've found that it is quite the opposite story.

The customer is usually confused and mislead. They don't really understand what they want or how it works. They try to abuse the coupon systems and often feel that they can "find it cheaper online".

Can you? Can you find it cheaper online? Well then why the fuck are you in my store? Get the fuck out and buy it online you rude asshole. Coming into MY HOUSE and telling me my shit is overpriced, I ought to stab you in the neck. Fuck you.

Not to mention that customers often find it necessary to treat me like a big piece of shit, like I'm the enemy, like I'm out to steal their money and inconvenience their day. I've had more than a few old people almost jump the counter and attack me over shit like .40 cents. They'll even inconvenience themselves and waste everyone's time, mine, theirs', the customers in line behind them, everyone's. All over a misunderstanding involving a coupon that literally saves them such minimal amounts of money that it would be laughable if it wasn't so flipping ignorant.

Don't get me started on the condescending looks and rude names some feel the need to give. Oh I'm sorry, you want this outdated coupon to get you two gallons of milk for a different amount than is even on the invalid coupon? Oh you're right, I MUST be a fucking idiot, I'm sorry sir, here, here is your piss off. Piss off you old rude shit.

If you need something by tomorrow morning and you assume I have it, and I don't, it's not my fucking fault if you don't have time to find it somewhere else. Don't bitch at me about you're own stupid ass not planning ahead. I don't give a shit who promised you that we sold whatever dumb ass adapter you need for your trip to Europe. Did I tell you we sold that? No? Well then fuck you it's not my problem you waited this long to find one, shit bag.

Oh and you bastards, you God damn jackasses, if you buy something that I sell at Radioshack, from Walmart, and then bring it to me at RadioShack to make it work. I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you. 

People actually pull that shit. I swear. They'll buy a phone or something at Walmart and bring it to me to teach them how to use it. Wtf. Why didn't you just buy it here you shit? They have the nerve to walk in here with that Walmart bag full of electronics so I can provide them with the proper support? They're lucky I don't burn down their houses.

Meanwhile, while all this is happening, I somehow continue to smile and nod like a trained monkey, allowing these ungrateful asses to treat me like shit, because I'm good at my job. Thanks for stopping, having a nice day.

Damn Girl, What You Been Eating?

I've decided that maybe the reason I never post on here is because I don't like you. Yeah, you know who you are, sitting there all smug, reading this like you know me, just get out of here.

And go get a job you hippies.

You're lucky I don't know anything about politics or I'd probably have all sorts of stupid ass outrageous opinions that I'd try to force on everybody else. 

I can't wait until Skynet takes over and plummets the world into a horrifying robot apocalypse. That'll teach you all to walk around being people and doing people things.

Or Megatron, I wouldn't mind that one either.

Either way works for me as long as you're all being enslaved by your microwaves and such.

If you haven't checked out my Twitter yet, don't, because I hate everyone over there.

Speaking of douche bags, Google+ was all like "Hey Bro, you should like totally switch from Blogger to G+ and like yeah Bro, just do it!"

That's right, Google talks like a giant tool, you didn't know? Where the hell have you been?

See you in a couple months?

Intelligent Investment

Guess who the brand new owner of www.TotallyToastedTuesday.com is...

I was drunk, don't judge me.

Not only was that domain bought at an unreasonable hour but it was not even sort of Tuesday, but there was Totally a disappointing lack in Toast.

What compelled me to spend an undisclosed amount of money on a website that, as of yet, has not an ounce of content on it? It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Call it an investment.

If any of you have actually been purposely checking in from time to time to see if I've written anything new since September 8th...well jokes on you, go expect things from someone else.

If my room smelled any stronger of lilacs I'd be a tad concerned, but luckily I love lilacs, they smell fucking pretty. But I am a huge fan of the way they smell, no homo.

Well that's all you get for now. Get out of here.