Okay, so I play it up like I don't mind when you don't read this. But it's a lie. I totally expect all of you to read this.
Friends and family especially. You don't get to be friends and family without supporting my bullshit cockamamie ass interests.
You show up when I post on the MyFace but when I don't spam you, you don't come.
Well, new rule. You shut your damn mouth, sit down, and put your fucking email address in the box thingy on the right. I'm not asking. I'm telling. If you don't get an email every time I so much as fucking fart, I'm going to disown you and probably take you off the Christmas Mailing list and think you're a bad stupid poopy face.
So just do it you turd sandwiches. I hate having to solicit for viewers on Facebook like some sort of homeless liberal hippy asshole.
The job hunt is going fantastic BTW. People are lining up to hire me, I can't even decide who I like better. This is in no way an exaggerated lie.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Walkie-Talkie
Ever notice how stupid of a name Walkie-Talkie is?
Sure, it's descriptive and shit, but imagine if the guy who named it that named other things.
The world would be a dangerously descriptive place right now.
Cars would be called Drivey-Get Places, guns would be called Shooty-Deathy, and dogs would be called Barky-Bitey.
Obviously that sounds stupid ridiculous and we're all lucky that guy was only fortunate enough to name Two-Way Radios. What kind of asshole was he? Hopefully he's dead now. Deady-In-The-Groundy.
Completely off topic, if you are interested in always being aware of when a new post is posted, on the right of this there should be a place to enter an email address, put yours in there and you will get an automatic email every time I post. Takes all the guess work out of it for you, I know you hate guessing.
But really, I appreciate the 6 of you that read this, probably all related to me too, I'm just trying to make it easy for you.
I'll keep it short and sweet today.
Sure, it's descriptive and shit, but imagine if the guy who named it that named other things.
The world would be a dangerously descriptive place right now.
Cars would be called Drivey-Get Places, guns would be called Shooty-Deathy, and dogs would be called Barky-Bitey.
Obviously that sounds stupid ridiculous and we're all lucky that guy was only fortunate enough to name Two-Way Radios. What kind of asshole was he? Hopefully he's dead now. Deady-In-The-Groundy.
Completely off topic, if you are interested in always being aware of when a new post is posted, on the right of this there should be a place to enter an email address, put yours in there and you will get an automatic email every time I post. Takes all the guess work out of it for you, I know you hate guessing.
But really, I appreciate the 6 of you that read this, probably all related to me too, I'm just trying to make it easy for you.
I'll keep it short and sweet today.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
United Nations
There I am. Living somewhere where I'm the minority.
Not the city itself, but the apartment complex area thing has very few people of my specific background.
Next to me is some sort of Asian, I would be more specific but I have not become acquainted. Below me is some sort of Middle-Easterner, again, my lack of specification isn't racism, well not very much racism, a little bit of it, maybe, kitty corner and below me is some sort of Hispanic. Across the way is a crazy Russian guy. Etc.
My point is that not only am I (a White English Speaking American Male) the minority, but I also have the worst car in the lot. They all have new, fancy, and often even American made vehicles.
Damn. And this whole time I thought I had an unfair advantage. Damn foreigners making me look bad in my own country...
I jest, I love all these brown/yellow/slightly toasted people.
They clearly go to school at the U of O, most of them, but what do they need brand new $50,000-$100,000 cars for? Or rather, what do they do when they go home? Sell them? Bring them with? They clearly bought it when they came over, they surely don't have the money to just buy a car to use for 6 months and call it good, do they?
Maybe we should all go over there and make fucking shoes and shit.
It clearly worked for them.
So anyways, hey, it's Thursday and I made it on schedule. Whew. I'll be seeing you mixed bag of nuts on Saturday. That's a promise.
Not the city itself, but the apartment complex area thing has very few people of my specific background.
Next to me is some sort of Asian, I would be more specific but I have not become acquainted. Below me is some sort of Middle-Easterner, again, my lack of specification isn't racism, well not very much racism, a little bit of it, maybe, kitty corner and below me is some sort of Hispanic. Across the way is a crazy Russian guy. Etc.
My point is that not only am I (a White English Speaking American Male) the minority, but I also have the worst car in the lot. They all have new, fancy, and often even American made vehicles.
Damn. And this whole time I thought I had an unfair advantage. Damn foreigners making me look bad in my own country...
I jest, I love all these brown/yellow/slightly toasted people.
They clearly go to school at the U of O, most of them, but what do they need brand new $50,000-$100,000 cars for? Or rather, what do they do when they go home? Sell them? Bring them with? They clearly bought it when they came over, they surely don't have the money to just buy a car to use for 6 months and call it good, do they?
Maybe we should all go over there and make fucking shoes and shit.
It clearly worked for them.
So anyways, hey, it's Thursday and I made it on schedule. Whew. I'll be seeing you mixed bag of nuts on Saturday. That's a promise.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
What I Actually Think
So, I've beat this dead horse beyond recognition. But I would very much like to set myself a blogging schedule that I can stick too and make constant and regular updates.
I am open to suggestions, I will ignore every one of them and do what I want, but I'm open to them.
I was thinking maybe trying a Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday schedule?
Three times a week seems more than generous and if you don't like it, well please try because I appreciate you being here and reading this. Hey thanks, you.
I'm counting this one as Tuesdays post, even though it's not so much of a post as it is about posting.
So for the time being, that's my thang. I know only like 2 people actually read this, but if any of you randoms are inclined to start. Now is a good time, what with me scheduling times and being all organized about it.
See you guys Thursday.
I am open to suggestions, I will ignore every one of them and do what I want, but I'm open to them.
I was thinking maybe trying a Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday schedule?
Three times a week seems more than generous and if you don't like it, well please try because I appreciate you being here and reading this. Hey thanks, you.
I'm counting this one as Tuesdays post, even though it's not so much of a post as it is about posting.
So for the time being, that's my thang. I know only like 2 people actually read this, but if any of you randoms are inclined to start. Now is a good time, what with me scheduling times and being all organized about it.
See you guys Thursday.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Home of the Homeless
Eugene, Oregon.
That clever little title has multiple meanings. That's right, I'm moving up and using doubled meanings in my titles, fucking fancy right? RIGHT?!
But it refers to myself having more or less packed up without a plan and coming West, hoping to find a place to live and a place to work. Leaving me effectively homeless for a while. But it also alludes to the high amount of homeless people in and around Eugene.
That's right. If you've ever watched Disney's Aladdin, street rats, all over. Except they don't have monkey pals or flying carpets, nor do they show much interest in magic...
Anyways, awfully entitled bunch of hippies if you ask me. They sleep in little tent communities downtown and have signs that say shit like, "We have the right to sleep".
I'm not sure what kind of liberal ass bullshit that even is.
Not that they don't, I suppose they do have that right, but to parade around with a sign that says it, what does that even mean? Are they implying that they have the right to sleep wherever they want? I mean, just sleep then, don't go around waving signs at me for me to read way too far into and eventually cause ME to lose sleep as I lay awake at night wondering wtf you mean. You jerks.
Oh and that salsa bar in Carl's Jr. With the complimentary fixings and whatnot, that's not there so you can take 26 cups of salsa, homeless guy. Especially if you drag your dirty sleeve through the little bit of salsa you didn't take.
I'm not judging him for being homeless, homeless or not, I don't like dirty sleeves in my fast food toppings.
And an awful lot of them have cell phones and tobacco products. Odd. Odd indeed.
Almost like for most of them it's a lifestyle choice because they big hippies.
Big. Damn. Hippies. I blame the intense amount of liberal idealism in the area. It's all artistic and free thinking. Gross. What happened to being productive and having deep repressed anger issues and hating things that are different or new?
America.
That clever little title has multiple meanings. That's right, I'm moving up and using doubled meanings in my titles, fucking fancy right? RIGHT?!
But it refers to myself having more or less packed up without a plan and coming West, hoping to find a place to live and a place to work. Leaving me effectively homeless for a while. But it also alludes to the high amount of homeless people in and around Eugene.
That's right. If you've ever watched Disney's Aladdin, street rats, all over. Except they don't have monkey pals or flying carpets, nor do they show much interest in magic...
Anyways, awfully entitled bunch of hippies if you ask me. They sleep in little tent communities downtown and have signs that say shit like, "We have the right to sleep".
I'm not sure what kind of liberal ass bullshit that even is.
Not that they don't, I suppose they do have that right, but to parade around with a sign that says it, what does that even mean? Are they implying that they have the right to sleep wherever they want? I mean, just sleep then, don't go around waving signs at me for me to read way too far into and eventually cause ME to lose sleep as I lay awake at night wondering wtf you mean. You jerks.
Oh and that salsa bar in Carl's Jr. With the complimentary fixings and whatnot, that's not there so you can take 26 cups of salsa, homeless guy. Especially if you drag your dirty sleeve through the little bit of salsa you didn't take.
I'm not judging him for being homeless, homeless or not, I don't like dirty sleeves in my fast food toppings.
And an awful lot of them have cell phones and tobacco products. Odd. Odd indeed.
Almost like for most of them it's a lifestyle choice because they big hippies.
Big. Damn. Hippies. I blame the intense amount of liberal idealism in the area. It's all artistic and free thinking. Gross. What happened to being productive and having deep repressed anger issues and hating things that are different or new?
America.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Public Urination 2011
Some of you might know this story, some of you might not. I had originally posted this on a friends blog and agreed not to double post, but I haven't heard from that shit in forever and a lot of you probably weren't able to navigate the interwebs and find it on his blog back when it was originally posted. I don't blame you, it's not your fault that you're bad at the internet. I guess. Either way, here is that story, a favorite of mine. Boom.
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Two feet planted as firmly as a drunken asshole can plant them, dick in hand, urinating figure 8's on the side of some guys car in a mostly empty parking lot a 3 a.m.
That's where I found myself when a man on a bicycle pulls up and inquires upon what the hell I'm doing. In which I answered with a simple, "I had to pee".
After a few confusing question, confusing like, "what's your address?" and "can I see your I.D.?" It slowly occurs to my intoxicated mind that this guy might or might not be a Police Officer.
I stumbled through giving him an incorrect address due to the fact that my drunk ass simply couldn't remember. I then obediently handed him my I.D.
I continued to wonder why this guy on the bike was so interested in what I was doing. Remembering, "Oh yeah, he's a Cop, I think."
He noticed some other hooligans trying to go about their business and commands me to stay put, I oblige and try to continue standing while looking at his bike and reading...P-O-L-I-C-E on the side. "Shit" I think to myself, I consider hopping on the bike and peddling off, but I remember, he has my I.D.
I wait for him to return, when he does he immediately starts to write me a ticket for Public Urination and says things like, "That's gross." and "How would you like it if someone peed on your car?" and "I saw you, I saw you drawing 8's and peeing all over." and finally he ended with "Don't be sorry, just stop peeing on cars."
The moral of the story is. I got a ticket for public urination and I really couldn't be more proud of myself. That's one thing I can check off my life's list.
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