Shark Week

While we're on the topic of sharks. It's everyones favorite week. Shark week. Join me next week for my "Avoiding Water More than Waist Deep" week. It'll be a blast.

Shark week has the amazing ability to remind me just why it is I don't swim in the ocean or any rivers that connect to an ocean nearby.

Partaking in hours of footage and dramatic reenactments of people losing limbs and lives does that to a person. I don't know how anyone goes swimming after watching shark week.

Actually, I almost guarantee that the beach population drops at least a little during and around shark week. I wouldn't be surprised.

I know when I see a montage of two and a half ton Great whites flying 15 feet out of the water in a fury of blood and teeth it doesn't particularly inspire me to go to South Africa and go for a dip.

Call me cautious but I don't intend to go splashing around a cove that used to be a dumping point for a meat processing plant.

Or swimming 2000 miles away from any land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where it's so void of life, when you splash around like a jackass, the little bit of life there is anywhere nearby (giant man eating Great whites), definitely know that YOU are there.

Or free diving off the cost of Africa so I can feed some large female Tiger sharks by hand during mating season while I swim with them and three other highly dangerous species of sharks.

Maybe instead I'll go punch a bear in the face just to see what happens.

What I want to know is one thing.

How much do you have to pay one of those camera men? The ones getting the dynamic shots from in and under the water, the ones who aren't scientists or even shark enthusiasts, the ones who are just plain camera men looking to use a camera? How the fuck much do they get paid? Because that crazy ass Steve Irwin looking mother fucker in the water, he wants to be there, and is willing to risk his life for his passion in sharks.

But the lowly camera man who probably doesn't give two shits about sharks. I'm sure it takes a lot of money to convince him that it's a good idea to go bobbing around in the all you can eat ocean buffet.

Personally there are two ways I don't plan on dying in this world.

One, being drug under water and eaten by a shark while I simultaneously drown and bleed out.

And two,  hanging upside down, naked, and by my ankles while somebody saws me in half groin to  neck.

That's 'Sawing' folks.

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Remember kids, if you feel the need to know what's going on in my mind besides what I spill here. Come check out my personal blog and find out just what the hell it is, that I'm thinking.

Link on the top right of the page.

Or for you idiots ------------------> Something Something Life

But really, eventually I won't do                ^                that for you, so find the one at the top right.

You Know What's Apparently Stressful?

I'm just perusing all the news on the entire internet right? And I come across an article.

This article is initially intriguing and cool, it's about a Great White shark leaping onto a research boat and getting stuck onboard. Cool right?

But upon reading some quotes from researchers on the boat, I realized, these people can't be scientists, because they're just too fucking stupid. Here are two hilarious quotes that make me go REALLY!?!?! YA THINK!?!?

"Incredibly stressful" - Really dude? An eleven hundred pound killing machine leaping onto your medium sized research vessel was stressful? No. I don't believe you. That can't be.

"These sharks belong in the sea, they don't belong on land." - I don't even have anything to say to this one.

Other than I sincerely hope that he and his entire family get eaten by a bear. And I hope while he's dying via bear, he screams, "This bear doesn't belong in my house, he belongs in the forest."

That's what happens when you read BBC News. You get this shit. I'm almost upset at how stupid these quotes are. Two things that probably go without saying. Yes, half ton killing machines flying out of the water is probably a stressful situation to find yourself in, and yes, fish do belong in the water.

Well put researchers. How are those advanced degrees treating you?

You jackasses.

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Don't forget to check out my personal blog if you care for a more personal glimpse into my personal life, personally.

Link should be at the top right, it's "Something Something Life"

Learn how to navigate web pages and go find it. Geezus.

Also, I might be posting the occasional gem on a friend's blog, it should be a good time. Stay tuned for that. I'll link the shit out of you if and when it happens. It should be GOLD. Peace.

Guess Who's Back, Back Again

Oh wow. Where to even start? Well I could start with enthusiastically imforming you that I'll be posting any of my personal type themed posts on my new blog for just such a purpose. So here it goes.

DID YOU KNOW!?!?!? That from now on I'll be posting any personal type entries on my new personal blog for just that purpose?!?! Well you do now. Bitches.

ANYwho...

Minnesota's government shut down while I was there. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Oh you, Minnesota, with your money issues and your solving those issues by shutting down the government and effectively losing more money. Great idea you guys. The liberals blame the conservatives and the conservatives blame the liberals. How completely unexpected. Who could of foreseen that turn of events.

Well. As I've always sort of just started saying. "It seems to me the last people we want in office, are politicians." Ironically enough. If you read that with the right amount of open mindedness it seems philosophical, I swear.

Do you ever makes notes to yourself that you read at a much later date and go, "WTF was I talking about?" thus making the note completely useless?

Oh you don't? Me either......

In other news. For those of you who didn't hear about it like a month ago when it apparently happened, gay marriage was legalized in New York. So for all you alternative-sexuals out there. Congratulations. I mean it. Way to win. Because in the end. When did it become my right as an American citizen to deny you the right to get married in the first place? I don't believe it ever was. So hats off to 'you people' getting what rights you rightfully deserve the rights too.

This is old news but I wanted to make the joke. It came to my attention a while ago that there is a Senator with the last name Wiener.

No, that's not all.

This Wiener guy, was sending pictures of his wiener via twitter, I think it was. But the important part to me was the fact that this man was being very ironic. In fact. So ironic it hurts. How much more foreshadowing can a name do? Next they'll be some headline titled. "Congressman Vehicularmanslaughter Kills a Family of 4 in a Car Accident" OH NO! IF ONLY WE WOULD OF KNOWN!?

Basically what I'm saying is, If your last name is Shoemaker and you're making shoes, I'm not real fucking surprised. Now if you're last name is Shoemaker and you shit bacon, that, that surprises me.

Also, Ryan Dunn, a minor celebrity from the show "Jackass" died sometime in the last couple months. Everyone's real sad. Except the people who heard he was intoxicated and going grossly over the speed limit, they're not as sad about it.

If you put a T between South Dakota it makes the acronym 'STD'?

Coincidence? I think not. Because traveling through South Dakota is sort of like having an STD. Except no matter how many antibiotics you take, South Dakota doesn't go away.

Oh and here's a link to the blog I made specifically so you didn't have to read the crap I'll be posting there, here, so you won't have to go, ugh, I have to read all this? Or wow, that's not funny at all, the one, the only, Something Something Life

The Land of Ten Thousand

My posts have been, more so, about my personal life lately and less about whatever they're normally about.

I figure I'll keep that going while I'm back here in the occasionally wonderful state of Minnesota and continue telling you about what I be doin'.

Last I wrote was, I believe, about the Baptism. Again, I can't stress enough how cute those little bastards are. Especially the smallest. If I had a nickel for every time I went, "Oh! I need to take a picture of that!" I'd have roughly $11.35.

Really though, love the lil shits. I have more pictures of the youngest on my iPhone than I know what to do with.

Oh, and the niece is 16 so I've had to pleasure of taking her driving. She only has the permit and needs an adult of 21 years of age or older to be passenger while she gets in her practice. And realizing I actually count as a that adult makes me feel old. Wtf happened. Since when am I a responsible adult?

Either way, taking her driving was pretty BA.

Of course I can't not mention camping. So many things need to be said about that.

We went on a several day camping venture at Green Lake here in southern Minnesota. It was a blast. Just my brother, I, and my sisters family tenting over a couple nights at the lake.

It's been so long since I've camped in Minnesota. I find the fresh air to be different here than it is in Montana. It seems more alive and vivid. Montana it is truly 'fresh' in the way that you don't really smell or sense anything on the wind, it's just good ol' fashion fresh air. But in Minnesota it's so much more, you can smell the lakes and the wildlife and the trees and it just seems more alive. I missed that.

Of course we made fires, went fishing, laid on the beach in the sun, cooked over fire, played horseshoes, slept uncomfortably in tents, the whole nine yards.

It's been so long since I've gone fishing btw. Despite the fact we didn't catch anything, being on a boat again with the intent to catch a fish was a great time.

It turns out that even being out of practice, I kick ass as making fires.

And I'm even better at getting slightly sun burnt whilst doing it all.

Not to mention the weather was amazing. I've always been a strong complainer of how shitty the weather generally is in MN but we couldn't of picked a better two days to go camping. It wasn't terribly humid, or hot, and just windy enough to keep away the swarms of blood sucking mosquitoes.

We left just in time though because it's sinfully hot/humid today. Jesus Christ I don't miss this part of MN. When outside literally turns into a sauna you have to wonder why anyone would live in a place like this. But then I remember camping in the woods at the lake and go...

Yep.

Again, I'll probably be up in Walker soon, so any home towners interested in broing down let me know. Sorry, I'm not more specific on when, I'm working on that part, but soon enough.

For those not from my home town, I apologize for this boring life stuff, I'll get back to whatever it is you clearly came here for when I return to Montana.

p.s. Remind me to talk to you about Minnesota's government shutting down.

The Godfather

I am officially the Godparent of not one but two nephews of mine.

Apparently I own them now, or something like that, you know, church things, but as far as I'm concerned I do in fact own them both.

But really, indentured servant jokes or not, the baptism itself was a good time, I got to sign my name on some papers, dress up all sexy like, stand in front of a relatively small group of strangers in a church that I don't belong too, stand next to an adorable pair of nephews, and look amazing all while doing so.

The point is, for a guy who is generally nothing more than lumpy and white, I clean up fuckin' nice, at least in my opinion, and as you know mine is the only opinion that really matters. I find myself hard to resist in these kind of occasions. I walk by a mirror and barely contain the urge to have my way with myself, whether I like it or not. Who am I going to tell if I take advantage of myself? No one, if I know what's good for me. I wouldn't want to have to hit myself again, would I? Would I?!


I only abuse myself because I love myself and don't know what's good for myself. I mean what?



Primary family responsibilities completed...


Secondary family responsibilities pending...

Unemployed

Guess who's recently become voluntarily unemployed? THIS guy!

It's weird really. Whenever I leave a job it makes it seem like life is moving forward or changing in a more drastic way than it actually is. You know? Does it feel like that to anyone else? It's got that certain 'the first day of the rest of your life' feel to it. To me at least.

But yes that's right, Dynojet and I went our separate ways. I'm going be in Minnesota for a smidgeon starting right meow and ending who knows when and then I eventually start up school in the fall again so between those two things I have no time for Dynojet in my future. Which is a shame, I was like a superstar there, I was the 'Chosen One' and all that jazz. I fancy myself, in the year I was there, to be the greatest thing to happen to that place since it's founding.

Yes, I'm making that claim right here and right now.

Where too next you say? Right now I need to quickly do some things, more specifically, fancy grown up things like pay some bills, deposit some checks like a gangsta, mail something, pick up the place a bit before I leave, get some logistics out of the way, do a bit of the ol' science, commit some acts of 'hustling', you get the idea.

And I suppose after that a whole lot of balling on a budget so-to-speak, since I won't have an incoming flow of money. Until school starts that is, I'll be getting BANK when that happens.

But for the time being I'll be busy for a week or six so I'll catch you cats on the flip side...or six flip sides from now. Whichever it ends up being.

Out.

Feeling Kind of Fruity?

The other day I was sitting at work enjoying a couple apples for lunch. When a coworker of mine walks up and asks, "Oh, are you on a diet?"

Bitch please

Just because I'm eating an apple means I'm on a fucking diet? Since when does that automatically follow? Can't a guy enjoy a fruit without being accused of dieting? What the shit is she getting at? Did she look at me and think, "Now there's a guy who only eats fruit when he's dieting!" or did she just simply look at the fruit and think, "Now there's something I would only eat if I was on a diet!"

Either way it seemed damned presumptuous. And this isn't even the first time. Anytime someone catches me eating a banana or a yogurt or something they ask me if I'm on a diet. Wtf? I can't tell if this is reflecting poorly on me or on society in general when someone sees me with a fruit and assumes diet as if there is no other real explanation.

Here's a crazy idea, maybe I just like apples. Ever think of that? You *#*$&

Which brings me to a funny story...

It was a rainy Tuesday morning. I was in the shower getting ready to race to work because I was already running late. There's a knock on the bathroom door. It's my roommate, he asks, "Can you give me a ride to campus before work?" In which I didn't respond, but then he added, "I'll give you that sandwich in the fridge", and at that point I agreed to give him a ride at the risk of being late for work.

If potentially being late for work for a freaking sandwich isn't shameful enough. I ended up getting a speeding ticket and being even more late than I would of been. I had to explain to my supervisor that I was late for work because I had gotten a speeding ticket and that I got that speeding ticket because I traded an ill advised ride for a half of a sandwich. I literally traded being late for work and a speeding ticket for half of an old sandwich. Wtf me.

That's when I decided to start bringing fruit to work.

Because really, if you're trading favors for old sandwiches you know you have a problem.