While we're on the topic of sharks. It's everyones favorite week. Shark week. Join me next week for my "Avoiding Water More than Waist Deep" week. It'll be a blast.
Shark week has the amazing ability to remind me just why it is I don't swim in the ocean or any rivers that connect to an ocean nearby.
Partaking in hours of footage and dramatic reenactments of people losing limbs and lives does that to a person. I don't know how anyone goes swimming after watching shark week.
Actually, I almost guarantee that the beach population drops at least a little during and around shark week. I wouldn't be surprised.
I know when I see a montage of two and a half ton Great whites flying 15 feet out of the water in a fury of blood and teeth it doesn't particularly inspire me to go to South Africa and go for a dip.
Call me cautious but I don't intend to go splashing around a cove that used to be a dumping point for a meat processing plant.
Or swimming 2000 miles away from any land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where it's so void of life, when you splash around like a jackass, the little bit of life there is anywhere nearby (giant man eating Great whites), definitely know that YOU are there.
Or free diving off the cost of Africa so I can feed some large female Tiger sharks by hand during mating season while I swim with them and three other highly dangerous species of sharks.
Maybe instead I'll go punch a bear in the face just to see what happens.
What I want to know is one thing.
How much do you have to pay one of those camera men? The ones getting the dynamic shots from in and under the water, the ones who aren't scientists or even shark enthusiasts, the ones who are just plain camera men looking to use a camera? How the fuck much do they get paid? Because that crazy ass Steve Irwin looking mother fucker in the water, he wants to be there, and is willing to risk his life for his passion in sharks.
But the lowly camera man who probably doesn't give two shits about sharks. I'm sure it takes a lot of money to convince him that it's a good idea to go bobbing around in the all you can eat ocean buffet.
Personally there are two ways I don't plan on dying in this world.
One, being drug under water and eaten by a shark while I simultaneously drown and bleed out.
And two, hanging upside down, naked, and by my ankles while somebody saws me in half groin to neck.
That's 'Sawing' folks.
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Remember kids, if you feel the need to know what's going on in my mind besides what I spill here. Come check out my personal blog and find out just what the hell it is, that I'm thinking.
Link on the top right of the page.
Or for you idiots ------------------> Something Something Life
But really, eventually I won't do ^ that for you, so find the one at the top right.
Showing posts with label Enterprise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Enterprise. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Helloooooo Ladies
Guess who is officially ready to be back on the market? THIS guy. I've been technically on the shelves for a few months now but some of the paper work was misplaced and it took a while for me to get into the database and the system and stocked onto the shelves in the right location. You know how it is when making a unpersonificational comparison between a person and a product.
That's right, unpersonificational, I totally just made that up.
Either way. Life moves forward and we move on...
...onto my 21st birthday! That's right, come June 7th in what, 2 days? This guy is going to...calmly enjoy the benefits of being 21 whilst not doing anything stupid. Because to be honest I'm boring like that. But fear not, the dark recesses that make up the Montana bar scene will surely turn out a glorious amount of suitable women?
But really, to be honest I'm not and haven't been too terribly excited about turning 21. I have always been bad as being young though, the whole youthful ambition to cause trouble and mischief has always escaped me. I've never had a lot of urge to rebel or get shit faced or to act like a complete idiot. Mind you I said complete idiot, I'm always up for acting like half an idiot or so. So I, hopefully, won't be one of those cases where I end up getting my stomach pumped on my 21st.
Moving on from that. All I have left to look forward too is renting a car at the age of 25 and becoming president at 35. Other than those last two milestones it's all downhill from here. People should start celebrating those two ages as well. Wouldn't that be a good reason to throw a party? Drink when you're 21, throw a "renting my first car" party when you're 25, and throw a "I could legally be president if I so chose" party at 35.
I think I'll do that, you're all invited by the way. So in about 4 years, meet me at the nearest Enterprise and we'll rent me a car. Oh wait, they "pick you up" now...meet me at my place and we'll call Enterprise and have them send a car over. We can get the rental insurance and destroy it, together, it'll be a great time. Maybe I'll have games and contests to see who gets to drive it/wreck it first.
That started out as a joke but the more I sarcastically plan it out, the better of an idea it sounds...
Sea Biscuit! Write that down for me.
To explain, you see, Sea Biscuit is my personal secretary/editor/bitch and he does what I says. Boy.
But really, there is a project in the making and you fine people will find out about it in the future hopefully. Trying to get it off the ground and all. Saying things like "get it off the ground" helps because it makes it sound much more important and legit than it actually is.
Speaking of legit, I'm too legit, too legit, too legit to quit.
Shout out to my SISTA Nicole. If you got here via her twitter, leave a comment, and for ever person who got here via that twat (I meant that as a substitute for the word 'tweet' and in no way was referring to Nicole as a twat)...anyways if that twat Nikki sent you, show some love and she wins something for every person. She wins real good.
I'm not sure what yet. But I'll brain storm something up. And the rest of you too, if people get here by way of your twats, you win too.
I don't know what the prizes/gifts/sacrifices will be, but I do know you'll love it.
I should really think of a hook or something...
---------------------------------------------
Quandary of the day!
Mountain Dew or Coke?
Why? Because your opinion matters!
Additionally: It appears either nobody notices the poll on the upper right of the page or nobody cares. I'm going to assume it's that you're all idiots and nobody notices. Because 60 page views and only 2 votes? Come on people, get with the program. How hard is it to click 'Coke' or 'Mountain Dew' ? The answer is not at all. Now go vote mine muffins!
---------------------------------------------
We used to play this 'game' in High School where we would call over acquaintances to our table during lunch and ask them "Would You Rather?" questions that we made up ourselves. Usually just so afterward, no matter what they picked, we could laugh at them and chastise them for being disgusting or sick. I loved that 'game'. Because we always won.
There was no real point to that story, I just wanted to let you know. You're welcome for that potential new hobby idea. Try that shit during work, or with friends, maybe even relatives. Ask grandma if she would rather give a Rusty Trombone or receive a Cleveland Steamer? I dare you.
I apologize for anyone who knows what those are or looked them up. Making my parents proud, one blog post at a time. And for God's sake don't ask your grandma that. In fact it would be best if your grandma didn't even know you knew me. I can be your dirty little secret, who has to know?
Ohhhhhh ME. And maybe even YOU, if you're lucky.
What might I mean by that? Who knows. Who. Knows.
Disclaimer: Your opinion doesn't actually matter.
That's right, unpersonificational, I totally just made that up.
Either way. Life moves forward and we move on...
...onto my 21st birthday! That's right, come June 7th in what, 2 days? This guy is going to...calmly enjoy the benefits of being 21 whilst not doing anything stupid. Because to be honest I'm boring like that. But fear not, the dark recesses that make up the Montana bar scene will surely turn out a glorious amount of suitable women?
But really, to be honest I'm not and haven't been too terribly excited about turning 21. I have always been bad as being young though, the whole youthful ambition to cause trouble and mischief has always escaped me. I've never had a lot of urge to rebel or get shit faced or to act like a complete idiot. Mind you I said complete idiot, I'm always up for acting like half an idiot or so. So I, hopefully, won't be one of those cases where I end up getting my stomach pumped on my 21st.
Moving on from that. All I have left to look forward too is renting a car at the age of 25 and becoming president at 35. Other than those last two milestones it's all downhill from here. People should start celebrating those two ages as well. Wouldn't that be a good reason to throw a party? Drink when you're 21, throw a "renting my first car" party when you're 25, and throw a "I could legally be president if I so chose" party at 35.
I think I'll do that, you're all invited by the way. So in about 4 years, meet me at the nearest Enterprise and we'll rent me a car. Oh wait, they "pick you up" now...meet me at my place and we'll call Enterprise and have them send a car over. We can get the rental insurance and destroy it, together, it'll be a great time. Maybe I'll have games and contests to see who gets to drive it/wreck it first.
That started out as a joke but the more I sarcastically plan it out, the better of an idea it sounds...
Sea Biscuit! Write that down for me.
To explain, you see, Sea Biscuit is my personal secretary/editor/bitch and he does what I says. Boy.
But really, there is a project in the making and you fine people will find out about it in the future hopefully. Trying to get it off the ground and all. Saying things like "get it off the ground" helps because it makes it sound much more important and legit than it actually is.
Speaking of legit, I'm too legit, too legit, too legit to quit.
Shout out to my SISTA Nicole. If you got here via her twitter, leave a comment, and for ever person who got here via that twat (I meant that as a substitute for the word 'tweet' and in no way was referring to Nicole as a twat)...anyways if that twat Nikki sent you, show some love and she wins something for every person. She wins real good.
I'm not sure what yet. But I'll brain storm something up. And the rest of you too, if people get here by way of your twats, you win too.
I don't know what the prizes/gifts/sacrifices will be, but I do know you'll love it.
I should really think of a hook or something...
---------------------------------------------
Quandary of the day!
Mountain Dew or Coke?
Why? Because your opinion matters!
Additionally: It appears either nobody notices the poll on the upper right of the page or nobody cares. I'm going to assume it's that you're all idiots and nobody notices. Because 60 page views and only 2 votes? Come on people, get with the program. How hard is it to click 'Coke' or 'Mountain Dew' ? The answer is not at all. Now go vote mine muffins!
---------------------------------------------
We used to play this 'game' in High School where we would call over acquaintances to our table during lunch and ask them "Would You Rather?" questions that we made up ourselves. Usually just so afterward, no matter what they picked, we could laugh at them and chastise them for being disgusting or sick. I loved that 'game'. Because we always won.
There was no real point to that story, I just wanted to let you know. You're welcome for that potential new hobby idea. Try that shit during work, or with friends, maybe even relatives. Ask grandma if she would rather give a Rusty Trombone or receive a Cleveland Steamer? I dare you.
I apologize for anyone who knows what those are or looked them up. Making my parents proud, one blog post at a time. And for God's sake don't ask your grandma that. In fact it would be best if your grandma didn't even know you knew me. I can be your dirty little secret, who has to know?
Ohhhhhh ME. And maybe even YOU, if you're lucky.
What might I mean by that? Who knows. Who. Knows.
Disclaimer: Your opinion doesn't actually matter.
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