My posts have been, more so, about my personal life lately and less about whatever they're normally about.
I figure I'll keep that going while I'm back here in the occasionally wonderful state of Minnesota and continue telling you about what I be doin'.
Last I wrote was, I believe, about the Baptism. Again, I can't stress enough how cute those little bastards are. Especially the smallest. If I had a nickel for every time I went, "Oh! I need to take a picture of that!" I'd have roughly $11.35.
Really though, love the lil shits. I have more pictures of the youngest on my iPhone than I know what to do with.
Oh, and the niece is 16 so I've had to pleasure of taking her driving. She only has the permit and needs an adult of 21 years of age or older to be passenger while she gets in her practice. And realizing I actually count as a that adult makes me feel old. Wtf happened. Since when am I a responsible adult?
Either way, taking her driving was pretty BA.
Of course I can't not mention camping. So many things need to be said about that.
We went on a several day camping venture at Green Lake here in southern Minnesota. It was a blast. Just my brother, I, and my sisters family tenting over a couple nights at the lake.
It's been so long since I've camped in Minnesota. I find the fresh air to be different here than it is in Montana. It seems more alive and vivid. Montana it is truly 'fresh' in the way that you don't really smell or sense anything on the wind, it's just good ol' fashion fresh air. But in Minnesota it's so much more, you can smell the lakes and the wildlife and the trees and it just seems more alive. I missed that.
Of course we made fires, went fishing, laid on the beach in the sun, cooked over fire, played horseshoes, slept uncomfortably in tents, the whole nine yards.
It's been so long since I've gone fishing btw. Despite the fact we didn't catch anything, being on a boat again with the intent to catch a fish was a great time.
It turns out that even being out of practice, I kick ass as making fires.
And I'm even better at getting slightly sun burnt whilst doing it all.
Not to mention the weather was amazing. I've always been a strong complainer of how shitty the weather generally is in MN but we couldn't of picked a better two days to go camping. It wasn't terribly humid, or hot, and just windy enough to keep away the swarms of blood sucking mosquitoes.
We left just in time though because it's sinfully hot/humid today. Jesus Christ I don't miss this part of MN. When outside literally turns into a sauna you have to wonder why anyone would live in a place like this. But then I remember camping in the woods at the lake and go...
Yep.
Again, I'll probably be up in Walker soon, so any home towners interested in broing down let me know. Sorry, I'm not more specific on when, I'm working on that part, but soon enough.
For those not from my home town, I apologize for this boring life stuff, I'll get back to whatever it is you clearly came here for when I return to Montana.
p.s. Remind me to talk to you about Minnesota's government shutting down.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Godfather
I am officially the Godparent of not one but two nephews of mine.
Apparently I own them now, or something like that, you know, church things, but as far as I'm concerned I do in fact own them both.
But really, indentured servant jokes or not, the baptism itself was a good time, I got to sign my name on some papers, dress up all sexy like, stand in front of a relatively small group of strangers in a church that I don't belong too, stand next to an adorable pair of nephews, and look amazing all while doing so.
The point is, for a guy who is generally nothing more than lumpy and white, I clean up fuckin' nice, at least in my opinion, and as you know mine is the only opinion that really matters. I find myself hard to resist in these kind of occasions. I walk by a mirror and barely contain the urge to have my way with myself, whether I like it or not. Who am I going to tell if I take advantage of myself? No one, if I know what's good for me. I wouldn't want to have to hit myself again, would I? Would I?!
I only abuse myself because I love myself and don't know what's good for myself. I mean what?
Primary family responsibilities completed...
Secondary family responsibilities pending...
Apparently I own them now, or something like that, you know, church things, but as far as I'm concerned I do in fact own them both.
But really, indentured servant jokes or not, the baptism itself was a good time, I got to sign my name on some papers, dress up all sexy like, stand in front of a relatively small group of strangers in a church that I don't belong too, stand next to an adorable pair of nephews, and look amazing all while doing so.
The point is, for a guy who is generally nothing more than lumpy and white, I clean up fuckin' nice, at least in my opinion, and as you know mine is the only opinion that really matters. I find myself hard to resist in these kind of occasions. I walk by a mirror and barely contain the urge to have my way with myself, whether I like it or not. Who am I going to tell if I take advantage of myself? No one, if I know what's good for me. I wouldn't want to have to hit myself again, would I? Would I?!
I only abuse myself because I love myself and don't know what's good for myself. I mean what?
Primary family responsibilities completed...
Secondary family responsibilities pending...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Unemployed
Guess who's recently become voluntarily unemployed? THIS guy!
It's weird really. Whenever I leave a job it makes it seem like life is moving forward or changing in a more drastic way than it actually is. You know? Does it feel like that to anyone else? It's got that certain 'the first day of the rest of your life' feel to it. To me at least.
But yes that's right, Dynojet and I went our separate ways. I'm going be in Minnesota for a smidgeon starting right meow and ending who knows when and then I eventually start up school in the fall again so between those two things I have no time for Dynojet in my future. Which is a shame, I was like a superstar there, I was the 'Chosen One' and all that jazz. I fancy myself, in the year I was there, to be the greatest thing to happen to that place since it's founding.
Yes, I'm making that claim right here and right now.
Where too next you say? Right now I need to quickly do some things, more specifically, fancy grown up things like pay some bills, deposit some checks like a gangsta, mail something, pick up the place a bit before I leave, get some logistics out of the way, do a bit of the ol' science, commit some acts of 'hustling', you get the idea.
And I suppose after that a whole lot of balling on a budget so-to-speak, since I won't have an incoming flow of money. Until school starts that is, I'll be getting BANK when that happens.
But for the time being I'll be busy for a week or six so I'll catch you cats on the flip side...or six flip sides from now. Whichever it ends up being.
Out.
It's weird really. Whenever I leave a job it makes it seem like life is moving forward or changing in a more drastic way than it actually is. You know? Does it feel like that to anyone else? It's got that certain 'the first day of the rest of your life' feel to it. To me at least.
But yes that's right, Dynojet and I went our separate ways. I'm going be in Minnesota for a smidgeon starting right meow and ending who knows when and then I eventually start up school in the fall again so between those two things I have no time for Dynojet in my future. Which is a shame, I was like a superstar there, I was the 'Chosen One' and all that jazz. I fancy myself, in the year I was there, to be the greatest thing to happen to that place since it's founding.
Yes, I'm making that claim right here and right now.
Where too next you say? Right now I need to quickly do some things, more specifically, fancy grown up things like pay some bills, deposit some checks like a gangsta, mail something, pick up the place a bit before I leave, get some logistics out of the way, do a bit of the ol' science, commit some acts of 'hustling', you get the idea.
And I suppose after that a whole lot of balling on a budget so-to-speak, since I won't have an incoming flow of money. Until school starts that is, I'll be getting BANK when that happens.
But for the time being I'll be busy for a week or six so I'll catch you cats on the flip side...or six flip sides from now. Whichever it ends up being.
Out.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Feeling Kind of Fruity?
The other day I was sitting at work enjoying a couple apples for lunch. When a coworker of mine walks up and asks, "Oh, are you on a diet?"
Bitch please
Just because I'm eating an apple means I'm on a fucking diet? Since when does that automatically follow? Can't a guy enjoy a fruit without being accused of dieting? What the shit is she getting at? Did she look at me and think, "Now there's a guy who only eats fruit when he's dieting!" or did she just simply look at the fruit and think, "Now there's something I would only eat if I was on a diet!"
Either way it seemed damned presumptuous. And this isn't even the first time. Anytime someone catches me eating a banana or a yogurt or something they ask me if I'm on a diet. Wtf? I can't tell if this is reflecting poorly on me or on society in general when someone sees me with a fruit and assumes diet as if there is no other real explanation.
Here's a crazy idea, maybe I just like apples. Ever think of that? You *#*$&
Which brings me to a funny story...
It was a rainy Tuesday morning. I was in the shower getting ready to race to work because I was already running late. There's a knock on the bathroom door. It's my roommate, he asks, "Can you give me a ride to campus before work?" In which I didn't respond, but then he added, "I'll give you that sandwich in the fridge", and at that point I agreed to give him a ride at the risk of being late for work.
If potentially being late for work for a freaking sandwich isn't shameful enough. I ended up getting a speeding ticket and being even more late than I would of been. I had to explain to my supervisor that I was late for work because I had gotten a speeding ticket and that I got that speeding ticket because I traded an ill advised ride for a half of a sandwich. I literally traded being late for work and a speeding ticket for half of an old sandwich. Wtf me.
That's when I decided to start bringing fruit to work.
Because really, if you're trading favors for old sandwiches you know you have a problem.
Bitch please
Just because I'm eating an apple means I'm on a fucking diet? Since when does that automatically follow? Can't a guy enjoy a fruit without being accused of dieting? What the shit is she getting at? Did she look at me and think, "Now there's a guy who only eats fruit when he's dieting!" or did she just simply look at the fruit and think, "Now there's something I would only eat if I was on a diet!"
Either way it seemed damned presumptuous. And this isn't even the first time. Anytime someone catches me eating a banana or a yogurt or something they ask me if I'm on a diet. Wtf? I can't tell if this is reflecting poorly on me or on society in general when someone sees me with a fruit and assumes diet as if there is no other real explanation.
Here's a crazy idea, maybe I just like apples. Ever think of that? You *#*$&
Which brings me to a funny story...
It was a rainy Tuesday morning. I was in the shower getting ready to race to work because I was already running late. There's a knock on the bathroom door. It's my roommate, he asks, "Can you give me a ride to campus before work?" In which I didn't respond, but then he added, "I'll give you that sandwich in the fridge", and at that point I agreed to give him a ride at the risk of being late for work.
If potentially being late for work for a freaking sandwich isn't shameful enough. I ended up getting a speeding ticket and being even more late than I would of been. I had to explain to my supervisor that I was late for work because I had gotten a speeding ticket and that I got that speeding ticket because I traded an ill advised ride for a half of a sandwich. I literally traded being late for work and a speeding ticket for half of an old sandwich. Wtf me.
That's when I decided to start bringing fruit to work.
Because really, if you're trading favors for old sandwiches you know you have a problem.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A Game of Thrones
I imagine you've all watched the "A Game of Thrones" season finale by now.
That's right. I'm making that assumption. Try to stop me.
I'll be completely frank with you all. I thought they did an absolutely stupendous job adapting the books to an HBO series.
The casting was wonderful, the acting was superb, the episodes were fluid and coherent, it was just about as good as it could of been.
Some complaints might of been that it would be a bit hard to fully understand and grasp what the hell was going on for anyone who hasn't read the books. It got easier, but I feel like the first few episodes would/were hell for anyone who didn't already have an idea what was going on. They almost left out a few very minor characters completely, which isn't a real big issue, they after all weren't terribly important, but I just noticed their absence. Ned's hair should of been black, they had it more of a brown, which is cool I guess, but I specifically remember it being mentioned more than once that his hair was black.
Some reasonable complains might also involve the lack of any large scale fight scenes. They purposely avoided one or two. I understand the time and money that would go into a full scale battle scene so I don't blame them for avoiding them completely. It just kind of saddens me. I would of liked to see those battles. Though if I remember correctly George R.R. Martin didn't get too terribly detailed with those in the books either.
Other than little things like hair color and the story throwing you in a bit quickly in the first few episodes for those who didn't read the books, I still stand by my declarations that it was all masterfully done. Most of the roles were filled wonderfully. Sean Bean was a great Ned, Peter Dinklage was a great Tyrion, the Stark children were all cast pretty great, the only complaint in casting was I didn't particularly like Mark Addy as King Robert.
The finale itself was well done. They didn't do that thing where they tried way to hard to make it full of grandeur and epicness like some series' do. They just finished it up like the first book ended and some cool shit went down and that was that. Nothing flashy or stupid. Just tied up some ends, gave a few teasers, implied future awesomeness, and let us stew until what I guess will be spring of 2012.
On a completely left field turn to something as unrelated as it can get. I was sitting down to a nice home cooked meal that I and a roommate laboriously prepared and I accidentally caught an episode of "Ugly Betty".
To make a long story short, I sat through it for the sake of curiosity and I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't hate it. It's not necessarily my type of show, but for what it is I feel like it's done pretty well. It seemed like a pretty decent show for the genre and sub-genre it falls into.
It's no Spartacus or A Game of Thrones but it was, lets say, cute.
Oh, and True Blood. I've caught about the last ten minutes of every episode since AGoT first aired since it comes right before AGoT and I must say. Not a fan. I can understand why tons of vampire loving women might like it. It has vampires and witches and what I take to be romance and violence but in a context where it's somehow clearly more acceptable to women than it is in Spartacus and other such programs. So if I was a young vampire loving women I could totally see myself enjoying something like this.
But I'm not and I find it weird and kind of silly.
While I'm on the entertainment review ball here I might as well hit you with what I thought of "Green Lantern"
I thought it was great. I found it also to be very well done. I don't know a lot of the actual lore behind the Green Lantern comics but I found the movie easy to digest, fun to watch, and an all around enjoyable experience. I was considerably skeptical about Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern but I thought he did really well. And of course Blake Lively was attractive as always. What else is there? It just turned out to be better than I expected. Though I had pretty low hopes to that's not saying a lot. But even if my hopes had been higher I feel like I wouldn't of left the theater with any regret.
That's right. I'm making that assumption. Try to stop me.
I'll be completely frank with you all. I thought they did an absolutely stupendous job adapting the books to an HBO series.
The casting was wonderful, the acting was superb, the episodes were fluid and coherent, it was just about as good as it could of been.
Some complaints might of been that it would be a bit hard to fully understand and grasp what the hell was going on for anyone who hasn't read the books. It got easier, but I feel like the first few episodes would/were hell for anyone who didn't already have an idea what was going on. They almost left out a few very minor characters completely, which isn't a real big issue, they after all weren't terribly important, but I just noticed their absence. Ned's hair should of been black, they had it more of a brown, which is cool I guess, but I specifically remember it being mentioned more than once that his hair was black.
Some reasonable complains might also involve the lack of any large scale fight scenes. They purposely avoided one or two. I understand the time and money that would go into a full scale battle scene so I don't blame them for avoiding them completely. It just kind of saddens me. I would of liked to see those battles. Though if I remember correctly George R.R. Martin didn't get too terribly detailed with those in the books either.
Other than little things like hair color and the story throwing you in a bit quickly in the first few episodes for those who didn't read the books, I still stand by my declarations that it was all masterfully done. Most of the roles were filled wonderfully. Sean Bean was a great Ned, Peter Dinklage was a great Tyrion, the Stark children were all cast pretty great, the only complaint in casting was I didn't particularly like Mark Addy as King Robert.
The finale itself was well done. They didn't do that thing where they tried way to hard to make it full of grandeur and epicness like some series' do. They just finished it up like the first book ended and some cool shit went down and that was that. Nothing flashy or stupid. Just tied up some ends, gave a few teasers, implied future awesomeness, and let us stew until what I guess will be spring of 2012.
On a completely left field turn to something as unrelated as it can get. I was sitting down to a nice home cooked meal that I and a roommate laboriously prepared and I accidentally caught an episode of "Ugly Betty".
To make a long story short, I sat through it for the sake of curiosity and I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't hate it. It's not necessarily my type of show, but for what it is I feel like it's done pretty well. It seemed like a pretty decent show for the genre and sub-genre it falls into.
It's no Spartacus or A Game of Thrones but it was, lets say, cute.
Oh, and True Blood. I've caught about the last ten minutes of every episode since AGoT first aired since it comes right before AGoT and I must say. Not a fan. I can understand why tons of vampire loving women might like it. It has vampires and witches and what I take to be romance and violence but in a context where it's somehow clearly more acceptable to women than it is in Spartacus and other such programs. So if I was a young vampire loving women I could totally see myself enjoying something like this.
But I'm not and I find it weird and kind of silly.
While I'm on the entertainment review ball here I might as well hit you with what I thought of "Green Lantern"
I thought it was great. I found it also to be very well done. I don't know a lot of the actual lore behind the Green Lantern comics but I found the movie easy to digest, fun to watch, and an all around enjoyable experience. I was considerably skeptical about Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern but I thought he did really well. And of course Blake Lively was attractive as always. What else is there? It just turned out to be better than I expected. Though I had pretty low hopes to that's not saying a lot. But even if my hopes had been higher I feel like I wouldn't of left the theater with any regret.
Two Birds with One Stone
You know the phrase, "kill two birds with one stone", what the hell is that really about?
Was there ever a period in human history when we routinely killed birds with stones? Not only that but apparently tried to kill as many birds as we could with as few stones as we could. Did some guy get lucky one day and get two birds with one stone and go, "OH SHIT! I have to tell everybody to do this, for the rest of forever!"
I feel like in the two years of Anthropology classes I participated in I didn't hear about our history of hunting birds with stones. In fact now that I think of it I didn't hear about it at all. I'm not saying people probably didn't kill the occasionally bird with a stone. I guess I feel like it probably wasn't a normal enough hunting occurrence to warrant making up a popular 'saying' that lasts for the rest of human existence.
If you go back far enough we were more likely killing or scavenging larger mammals and if you get a bit more modern we would have invented archery and I feel like arrows would be better suited for killing anything than a stone would.
Maybe it was that crazy guy who lived in the hut on the end. The one everyone knew was a little off. The village weirdo. He never came to the rain dances and didn't participate in ceremonies. You know the one. Maybe his crazy ass always went off in the woods with an arm full of stones and threw them at birds all God damned day.
Maybe the others made the phrase "kill two birds with one stone" as a tongue in cheek thing to mock him with. Because face it, when is that crazy bastard ever going to kill any birds, let alone two.
But then he not only gets a bird but he kills two with one stone none-the-less! The village is amazed and the phrase lives on forever. The End.
----------------------------------------------------
A phrase that might be misleading in the wrong context:
"I was going to town on this ass the other day."
You see, for an average person with their mind in the gutter this clearly means one thing. But WAIT.
Might the speaker of this phrase merely of meant that he was riding into town on a donkey?
You sick f*cks
--------------------------------------------------
This one is too good to pass up. So like I've mentioned before. I can go into the blog's stats and see what people searched for in Google (or whatever other search engine people use, except, who the fuck doesn't use Google for all their searching needs?) to get here.
And I kid you not, recently, one of the paths that led a poor soul here was "Butt piss"
Yes, somebody typed butt piss into Google and Google was like, "I know exactly where you belong, butt piss man." and sent his/her questionable self this way.
Look. I don't know what the hell you want Mr. and or Mrs/Miss butt piss but you can't find it here. I'm not a doctor nor am I anyone else qualified to deal with such a topic. You're welcome to stay but please don't bother the others.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Damn You Scooter Braun, Damn You
Apparently it's Scooter Braun's birthday today. If you don't know who that is, it's cool, neither did/do I.
But from what I gather he was the man who 'discovered' Justin Bieber on Youtube. I assume he's some sort of agent or something and blah blah blah everyone loves him because he found the boy wonder on the Youtube.
I know this because #happybirthdayscooter is currently 'trending' on twitter. Now, if this is all over your head I understand, because I wish I didn't know what any of it meant either. Oh God, please kill me.
I'll explain it for anyone who is lucky enough to have not gotten sucked into the hell that is twitter. SO here is how it goes down. People 'tweet' things, random shit, you know. And everyone is able to 'hashtag' topics and shit in that tweet if they so desire. A hashtag basically tags your tweet and any tweets with the same hashtag and makes it so if someone searched for it on twitter they can find all the tweets with the same hashtag on it. For example. I could go on and search #gameofthrones and a list of all the tweets that had #gameofthrones in it would magically appear so I could read all the comments people are making about GoT.
Now, when something is hashtag...ed enough it 'trends', meaning it one of the highest or most hashtaged things on twitter at the time. At least I'm fairly certain that's how this all works. Which makes it so whatevers big in the news or popular culture at the time tends to trend. Back when Charlie Sheen was all the biz, he trended, or when the tsunami hit Japan, that trended, etc. You get the idea.
ANYways. The reason I explained all of this is to complain about one God damned thing. #Happybirthdayscooter is currently trending because it's his birthday and millions of Bieb fans are thanking him for finding the Biebmeister.
I don't know why but something about that makes me want to burn down the world.
This man shouldn't be so well known. Because he is probably a behind the scenes kind of guy in the entertainment business. The only reason people know who he is is because he happened to discover the 9th wonder of the modern world. People are all celebrating his birthday because they love him and they love him because they love Beaver, I mean Bieber.
That's like if I celebrated George R.R. Martin's mother's birthday and thanked her for giving birth to Mr. Martin. Wouldn't that be a bit off to you? "Thanks George's mom, without you and your va-jay-jay we all would of never gotten to read this great book series decades down the road! Good Job!"
All the tweets for this Scooter guy are just thanking him for supplying the world with a teen pop sensation, hardly any are about his birthday at all, other than the hashtag they're tagged with. Wtf internet. Nobody would give a crap about this poor guy if he didn't give them B.
Or in my case, cool name Scooter, you asshole, what are you 7? I'll never forgive you for what you've done to me and to the world. Watch your back.
But from what I gather he was the man who 'discovered' Justin Bieber on Youtube. I assume he's some sort of agent or something and blah blah blah everyone loves him because he found the boy wonder on the Youtube.
I know this because #happybirthdayscooter is currently 'trending' on twitter. Now, if this is all over your head I understand, because I wish I didn't know what any of it meant either. Oh God, please kill me.
I'll explain it for anyone who is lucky enough to have not gotten sucked into the hell that is twitter. SO here is how it goes down. People 'tweet' things, random shit, you know. And everyone is able to 'hashtag' topics and shit in that tweet if they so desire. A hashtag basically tags your tweet and any tweets with the same hashtag and makes it so if someone searched for it on twitter they can find all the tweets with the same hashtag on it. For example. I could go on and search #gameofthrones and a list of all the tweets that had #gameofthrones in it would magically appear so I could read all the comments people are making about GoT.
Now, when something is hashtag...ed enough it 'trends', meaning it one of the highest or most hashtaged things on twitter at the time. At least I'm fairly certain that's how this all works. Which makes it so whatevers big in the news or popular culture at the time tends to trend. Back when Charlie Sheen was all the biz, he trended, or when the tsunami hit Japan, that trended, etc. You get the idea.
ANYways. The reason I explained all of this is to complain about one God damned thing. #Happybirthdayscooter is currently trending because it's his birthday and millions of Bieb fans are thanking him for finding the Biebmeister.
I don't know why but something about that makes me want to burn down the world.
This man shouldn't be so well known. Because he is probably a behind the scenes kind of guy in the entertainment business. The only reason people know who he is is because he happened to discover the 9th wonder of the modern world. People are all celebrating his birthday because they love him and they love him because they love Beaver, I mean Bieber.
That's like if I celebrated George R.R. Martin's mother's birthday and thanked her for giving birth to Mr. Martin. Wouldn't that be a bit off to you? "Thanks George's mom, without you and your va-jay-jay we all would of never gotten to read this great book series decades down the road! Good Job!"
All the tweets for this Scooter guy are just thanking him for supplying the world with a teen pop sensation, hardly any are about his birthday at all, other than the hashtag they're tagged with. Wtf internet. Nobody would give a crap about this poor guy if he didn't give them B.
Or in my case, cool name Scooter, you asshole, what are you 7? I'll never forgive you for what you've done to me and to the world. Watch your back.
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