Monday, May 30, 2011

Time Traveling Osama Would of Warned Himself

Well, this is awkward, I didn't think I'd see you guys here. about that weather? What? No, me completely abandon you? Not this guy. I would never. It's just I was busy and you were busy and it's not you, it's me. I swear. No, don't cry, daddy's back.

All personification of an abstract/hypothetical situation aside. I'm all moved into my new place. It's pretty balling, if you don't mind my street lingo. I only recently acquired wireless internet so that's one of the many poor excuses I have for not posting anything in the last large unrealistically exaggerated amount of time. But hey, on the bright side, maybe I'll have lots of quality content to put forth now? Ha. That's classic me. Lying to myself.

Have you ever noticed that Greyhounds are very often not grey? What the F is up with that? What jaggass decided one day to name a dog by a color it wasn't always or even usually found in? Like Black Bear, that makes sense, I've never seen a Black Bear that wasn't, well, black. That was a poor judgement call by the guy who named the Greyhound, that son of a bitch.

Also, while we're here. You know how you know that you'll never invent a time machine? Because if at any time in your future you invented a time machine, you'd probably end up going back in time, and you'd of found out now in the present, so because nobody's ever come back in time to fix or change or do whatever they wanted to now, you know that no one ever will. Because since it's in the future, it would of happened already, sort of? Especially right now, I'm deciding that if I ever make a time machine, I'll come back to right now and tell myself. So I'm waiting....oh wait, I never showed up, how rude of me, what an asshole, making myself wait for myself like this. Damn. Damn it all to hell.

I would almost guarantee that Mr. Fields ate too many cookies and got diabetes and died. THAT'S why you only ever hear about Mrs. Fields. That old bitch.

I missed my chance to talk about Osama and or make bad jokes. I regret being busy because that would of probably been a gold mine. But I will say this, I heard the guy loved Coke and drank it every day. How very Western and American of him, the irony of that is killing me. Or actually killing him I suppose. OH!

I bet Toby Keith was excited beyond belief when he heard that old goat herder was dead.

This will have to just be a "Hey I'm back!" post and I'll try to think of some bits and shit to start doing again. You know, stuff to actually grab your attention and not waste your life away and cause you to cut yourself at night. Thanks for sticking around. I promise to try not to let you down. I will. But I promise to try not to.

Have a good one my little muffins.

p.s. Shout out to my brotha from anotha motha Dillon James Estabrooks. His cracka ass grad-ja-matated yesterday and his party is as we speak. Sorry I couldn't make it buddy, you know, money, life, work, etc. But you wait until you see the gift I'm getting you but haven't gotten you yet! It'll be great. You'll love it, maybe even too much. You sick bastard.