Saturday, August 20, 2011

You Know Me

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, it's been a while, again. Always is. You know how I do.

So reaching back a bit I have great news that I think I neglected to share, I think. Did I mention J-Lo and Mark Anthony are getting divorced? Isn't that great news? It's late news by now, but I stand by the fact I was the first to know, because she just absolutely wouldn't quit texting me. Even called a few times. But that's not me. I'm giving it some space before I move in and become Mr. J-Lo. Giving it some time. I got class like that. So just keep your pants on Jennifer, I'll get there. You just wait.

In other news that isn't as late but still fairly late. I saw "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" and personally I loved it. It was great. They did certain things in just the right way to personally get my sensibilities all sorts of fired up. Also, when that Ape killed Draco Malfoy, I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited. Too bad Harry wasn't there to get offed as well.

Cowboys and Aliens wasn't bad either. How could it be? With it's line up, it should of been called "Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Aliens." What I didn't understand is why didn't Han Solo just fly in with his Millennium Falcon and blast those Aliens right of the sky? Oh and don't forget Olivia Wilde. DAMN. Is all I'm going to say about that. Oh wait here comes more, DAMN.

While on the subject of movies. I finally watched "The Social Network." I was just about the last person to see it, but like rumors suggested, it was actually pretty damn good. I have no idea how someone make a movie about Facebook interesting, but boy howdy they did.

Like usual I feel like there were all sorts of things I wanted to mention but now that it comes down to it I don't recall.

Damn these I've been away a while posts. Always such shite. I blame you people. You know that right?

Besides it appears all I've been doing since my last post has been seeing movies.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Click it or Ticket

I recently wrote a lil something something for a friend of mine's blog. Someone I've known for a long time, who has a blog, that apparently gets more traffic than this one. All social networking issues aside, I'm pretty excited to write FOR something/someone else.

Even if it's really nothing more than what I'm doing here, it feels like progress. Go check it out. Maybe I'll write more for his thing. Maybe I'll end up having a spot there, doing a once weekly, every whatever day I want, thing.

Maybe monkeys will fulfill a dream of mine and attempt to mug me, giving me an excuse to shank a few of them in self defense.

Oh the dreams we have.

But really gang, if you don't click this link I don't know why I even invite you here. This is a story. A story among stories. A story so special I saved it for that other blog. So help me God if you don't click this link you are hereby BANNED from my blog until the end of time itself. Just do it. Come on.

>>>>>>> Objurgation <<<<<<<

                                      ^ That's the link jackasses. Click it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Shark Week

While we're on the topic of sharks. It's everyones favorite week. Shark week. Join me next week for my "Avoiding Water More than Waist Deep" week. It'll be a blast.

Shark week has the amazing ability to remind me just why it is I don't swim in the ocean or any rivers that connect to an ocean nearby.

Partaking in hours of footage and dramatic reenactments of people losing limbs and lives does that to a person. I don't know how anyone goes swimming after watching shark week.

Actually, I almost guarantee that the beach population drops at least a little during and around shark week. I wouldn't be surprised.

I know when I see a montage of two and a half ton Great whites flying 15 feet out of the water in a fury of blood and teeth it doesn't particularly inspire me to go to South Africa and go for a dip.

Call me cautious but I don't intend to go splashing around a cove that used to be a dumping point for a meat processing plant.

Or swimming 2000 miles away from any land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where it's so void of life, when you splash around like a jackass, the little bit of life there is anywhere nearby (giant man eating Great whites), definitely know that YOU are there.

Or free diving off the cost of Africa so I can feed some large female Tiger sharks by hand during mating season while I swim with them and three other highly dangerous species of sharks.

Maybe instead I'll go punch a bear in the face just to see what happens.

What I want to know is one thing.

How much do you have to pay one of those camera men? The ones getting the dynamic shots from in and under the water, the ones who aren't scientists or even shark enthusiasts, the ones who are just plain camera men looking to use a camera? How the fuck much do they get paid? Because that crazy ass Steve Irwin looking mother fucker in the water, he wants to be there, and is willing to risk his life for his passion in sharks.

But the lowly camera man who probably doesn't give two shits about sharks. I'm sure it takes a lot of money to convince him that it's a good idea to go bobbing around in the all you can eat ocean buffet.

Personally there are two ways I don't plan on dying in this world.

One, being drug under water and eaten by a shark while I simultaneously drown and bleed out.

And two,  hanging upside down, naked, and by my ankles while somebody saws me in half groin to  neck.

That's 'Sawing' folks.


Remember kids, if you feel the need to know what's going on in my mind besides what I spill here. Come check out my personal blog and find out just what the hell it is, that I'm thinking.

Link on the top right of the page.

Or for you idiots ------------------> Something Something Life

But really, eventually I won't do                ^                that for you, so find the one at the top right.