It was MerryMuffin, at Work, with the Lead Pipe!

I'd like to apologize to all my imaginary readers for not posting any pointless banter yesterday.

You see, I was busy with my new Verizon iPhone 4. Yeah, I'm totally in love with iPhones, before you go on a spiel about Droids and blah blah blah and other stupid shit, fuck you, just fuck you. You keep your Droids and Androids and let me have my iPhone and leave me the frick alone.

Moving on...

Do any of you know an old lady that you'd like to kick the shit out of? I do. That's right. I would like to strike a grandmother...possibly in the head or chest region...potentially with a pipe of some sort...that may or may not be lead.

Before you judge me, just keep reading.

So, I work with this old lady and she has got to be the most rude, disrespectful, and unfriendly person I've ever met. And only to me. I'm fairly certain it's one of those scenarios where she looked at me the first day we met and just decided she utterly loathed and despised me. Don't lie to yourselves, we all have that person that we've decided we resent for absolutely no reason other than that little something about their face that just makes you want to stab out their eyes. Turns out I'm that person to her. Which in turn forced me to view her as that person for me. Now whenever I see her stupid old wrinkly ass face all I can think about is how much I hate everything about her existence. I mean, she goes out of her way to do things that make me pause and say "Really? Are you serious? Bitches be crazy."

It's actually kind of comical. She'll get to work extra early just to take the parking spot that I've been using every day for the last 6 months. She'll go out of her way while driving just to catch up to me and cut me off or attempt to run me off the road. I'll notice her glaring at me from across a busy work area 20 yards away. Wondering to myself, "Wtf is this? How long has that old bitch been mean-mugging me? Why won't she look away? Did she just flip me off?"

It's gotten to the point where I day dream about her and her entire family being German-Jews during the early 40s.

I'd like to think that enough time has passed for me to make that joke and not be a horrible person for it.