Feeling Kind of Fruity?

The other day I was sitting at work enjoying a couple apples for lunch. When a coworker of mine walks up and asks, "Oh, are you on a diet?"

Bitch please

Just because I'm eating an apple means I'm on a fucking diet? Since when does that automatically follow? Can't a guy enjoy a fruit without being accused of dieting? What the shit is she getting at? Did she look at me and think, "Now there's a guy who only eats fruit when he's dieting!" or did she just simply look at the fruit and think, "Now there's something I would only eat if I was on a diet!"

Either way it seemed damned presumptuous. And this isn't even the first time. Anytime someone catches me eating a banana or a yogurt or something they ask me if I'm on a diet. Wtf? I can't tell if this is reflecting poorly on me or on society in general when someone sees me with a fruit and assumes diet as if there is no other real explanation.

Here's a crazy idea, maybe I just like apples. Ever think of that? You *#*$&

Which brings me to a funny story...

It was a rainy Tuesday morning. I was in the shower getting ready to race to work because I was already running late. There's a knock on the bathroom door. It's my roommate, he asks, "Can you give me a ride to campus before work?" In which I didn't respond, but then he added, "I'll give you that sandwich in the fridge", and at that point I agreed to give him a ride at the risk of being late for work.

If potentially being late for work for a freaking sandwich isn't shameful enough. I ended up getting a speeding ticket and being even more late than I would of been. I had to explain to my supervisor that I was late for work because I had gotten a speeding ticket and that I got that speeding ticket because I traded an ill advised ride for a half of a sandwich. I literally traded being late for work and a speeding ticket for half of an old sandwich. Wtf me.

That's when I decided to start bringing fruit to work.

Because really, if you're trading favors for old sandwiches you know you have a problem.